I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
