I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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