I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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