you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
