it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
