Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
