It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
