Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
