it hurts more in the daytime
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
