K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
