I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
