After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
