Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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