it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize