was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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