I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
