So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
