I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We named our party play list daddy issues
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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