come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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