he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
