I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
