Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Will exercising make me less horny?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
