just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
