His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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