so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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