i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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