Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize