the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
