Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
