Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
