At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize