Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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