No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
