Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
