woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
