And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
