um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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