I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
