oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
