xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
