My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
