was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
