I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
