I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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