A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm too high and old for this...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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