Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
