happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
