So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
