hotel room ftw
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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