No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
