i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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