Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
