He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
