Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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