I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
