If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
