She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
