I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
