thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
