Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
