His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I just sharted jello shots
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
