dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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