I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
foreskin is a definite game changer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
