I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I smell stomach acid.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
