I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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