The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just high enough for therapy.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
