You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
