Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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