I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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