when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
