no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
