i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
