Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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