I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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