I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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