I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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