hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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