My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize