dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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