Soap is not a condiment
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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