i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
