I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
