I think i peed on brittanys purse
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
