I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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