so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
