OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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