btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You are a genius and a whore.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
