that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize