My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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