He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
soo... how was my night?
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