My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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