At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
