2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
