im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
