Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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