dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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