She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
