Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize