I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
