Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
