yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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