I didn't shave. On purpose
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
